I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
