That's intense
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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