I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
