Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
