Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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