I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
