I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
