you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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