I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
