Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Randomize
