i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
