The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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