Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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