Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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