8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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