I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
