i barfeds in our rink
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
