A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
