doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
