I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
