Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
