apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
