If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
