Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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