Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
