goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
