I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
