She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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