He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
