who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
