It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
