Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
