ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
