are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
