The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
