so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she looked like the before picture.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
