I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
