so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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