You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
