I need help removing her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
