That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
