Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
