READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
