Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
