You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
