he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
