She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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