So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
