I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drake has all the answers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
