So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
