I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she peed on how many people?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
