in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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