Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i believe in u and ur pee
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
