my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
